John – Summer 2026

Having fluked a win last year, the defending champion remarkably finds himself favourite to miss out on the podium this time around. Back pain and lack of practice are the excuses John's getting in first, but he'll secretly be hoping all those years of experience will somehow help him avoid the ignominy of placing behind Nick and the kids. If he does finish off the podium, you can be sure the record will say "fourth" rather than "last place".